The week has been a bit of a week. Nothing seems to be changing. I'm looking forward to spring and and all we get is winter. The snow was awful....and I'm someone who likes winter. So the pain is the pain and I'm just not progressing. I think I could be regressing.
Now I know Rome wasn't built in a day, but this getting ... well, I don't know. I did some art this week and I thought it was great. I painted the big space between my ears and called Galaxy. That was fun. I went to a Lenten Meditation Group and talked about Joseph of Aramatheia. I did rather enjoy that too.
But I saw a photo of myself. I know that the last 2 years has taken it out of me both emotionally and physically, but I look like a wreck. It is so bad that I wonder why I'm even trying. I've become ridiculously fat. I want to exercise, but the pain is such that it's hard to exercise when you can't even walk properly. I'd start by walking but I can't even do that! I despise (and I don't use that word lightly) the fact I am an egg- shaped human. This is not about "Body Acceptance", but my body is now obese and it could seriously harm, if not kill, me. Being banned from riding on medical grounds is not helping either.
I could try to do "chair exercise" but I don't have a space to do it. My home is just overrun with people. I am feeling the need for space. I do have a craft room which I could use, but it doesn't have any heat. As the weather has been subzero, exercising out there is a non-starter. I need my living room, but the children have monopolised it. I must do something or I am putting my already fragile health in further jeopardy. ARGH!!!!
So the daily battle continues. Trying to fix the lost, broken person I am is just hard. I want to quit but I know that isn't a way forward. Too many people float through life. I wish I was one who could but that isn't my temperament.
Maybe next week wil be better.
Friday, 9 March 2018
Friday, 2 March 2018
Okay Spring, Any Time Now
Well isn't this turning into an interesting week. Seven days ago it was warm, albeit rather wet and muddy, and now I'm up to my hocks in snow. It just goes to show how things can change and how things which look like they are solved aren't.
As I said in my last post, I had a hideous accident 2 years ago which nearly cost me my left foot and leg. I had a brilliant consultant who was able to make it so I could keep all my bits and pieces and walk. Well, that walking part is a bit of a stretch. I do walk, but not well or normally, and not for long stretches. I am regularly crippled with pain and that is really not good. I probably wouldn't have been so bad except the fact I had fall about a 8 months ago.
The yards car park is a bit rustic, and has large rock heads and some good sized pot holes. I stepped wrong on one of the rock heads, slid into a pot hole, and fell over. Not very graceful and, due to the stiffness in my ankle, no way to save myself. I knew immediately I had done something to the injury. I called my physiotherapist, with whom I had an appointment later that day, and told her. I came to see her and she said I needed to go to my GP and get and x-ray. I contacted my GP to get an appointment, and in spite of begging for an emergency appointment, the best I could do was a month later. I stayed off my leg as much as I could, used my crutches, and ate paracetamol by the box load.
I went to my GP and she told me I was wrong. I probably did need to go get an xray and all I had to do was go to the hospital and get one. I didn't need to see her. A&E was there for that express purpose. I asked why was I told by both my physio and my consultant (who I called to see if I could get the appointment moved up) to see her first. After yet another circular argument, I went to A&E and was x-rayed. It looked to the doctor there that I had had a radial fracture from the screw. He was referring me back to my GP who should refer me on to my consultant.
Fast forward to February. I have endured the most awful pain all winter which included many episodes of me screaming as my shoe/boot was removed. I found a strip of codine for when it was unbearable. My youngest son had a riding accident (yes, it does happen) but not overly serious. We went to hospital and was told he was fine.....until 5 days later when my consultant called to tell me that actually my son had fractured his thumb. Can I come into the fracture clinic? Obviously yes. I told him that I was due a follow up appointment and could I see him. I was told to book in when I arrived at the fracture clinic. I did and I finally got an appointment to see him in 2 weeks. After 8 months, what is 2 weeks?
I went in and the first thing he asked was, "Are you riding?". I told him I had but I suffered a silly accident. He then starts going through all the paperwork and asks if my GP had properly followed up on the x-ray taken the previous summer. I said I hadn't heard from her and no. He gets a real stern face and pursed lips. "Go have another x-ray." So I do.
"You're going in for surgery," greeted me when I returned. "We are going to remove all the metal. Next we are going to MRI it all. You've had a radial fracture from the screw that's been untreated." Yep. I knew that part. Surgery? Oh no. Back on that merry-go-round again. "This needs to be done immediately."
So here I am. I'm trying to keep up a good face on this situation. I'm back to not being able to walk (the snow and cold are just evil), not being able to teach, and beginning to feel like I'm worthless. I know this is not true, but injury depression is trying to get ahold of me. As I've said, I don't do depression as I'm just too busy. Yeah, right. What has me furious is that I have endured the pain because I was stupid and did what I was told to do.
I don't think I could ever win if it came to fighting the NHS. But what good is a service which is GP-centric when the GPs are unable to meet that criteria? I know they are over-worked, over subscribed. Because of that, I don't go and see them unless it is absolutely necessary. Yet due to their failure, I am now going to have to have a second surgery, and place my life on hold for months on end yet again. I am not sure how I am going to get through it. God in Heaven, you have a big one on your plate this time.
So what have I learned? It doesn't pay health-wise to be a good and patient patient. You have to push and fight to get treatment. Don't let them fob you off. If you need treatment, call every day and become the biggest pain in their butts that you can. It seems that is the only way to get the help you need. Being good just means that you ruin your life while making their life easy.
Take care and slip in the snow. You don't want a broken leg!
k.
As I said in my last post, I had a hideous accident 2 years ago which nearly cost me my left foot and leg. I had a brilliant consultant who was able to make it so I could keep all my bits and pieces and walk. Well, that walking part is a bit of a stretch. I do walk, but not well or normally, and not for long stretches. I am regularly crippled with pain and that is really not good. I probably wouldn't have been so bad except the fact I had fall about a 8 months ago.
The yards car park is a bit rustic, and has large rock heads and some good sized pot holes. I stepped wrong on one of the rock heads, slid into a pot hole, and fell over. Not very graceful and, due to the stiffness in my ankle, no way to save myself. I knew immediately I had done something to the injury. I called my physiotherapist, with whom I had an appointment later that day, and told her. I came to see her and she said I needed to go to my GP and get and x-ray. I contacted my GP to get an appointment, and in spite of begging for an emergency appointment, the best I could do was a month later. I stayed off my leg as much as I could, used my crutches, and ate paracetamol by the box load.
I went to my GP and she told me I was wrong. I probably did need to go get an xray and all I had to do was go to the hospital and get one. I didn't need to see her. A&E was there for that express purpose. I asked why was I told by both my physio and my consultant (who I called to see if I could get the appointment moved up) to see her first. After yet another circular argument, I went to A&E and was x-rayed. It looked to the doctor there that I had had a radial fracture from the screw. He was referring me back to my GP who should refer me on to my consultant.
Fast forward to February. I have endured the most awful pain all winter which included many episodes of me screaming as my shoe/boot was removed. I found a strip of codine for when it was unbearable. My youngest son had a riding accident (yes, it does happen) but not overly serious. We went to hospital and was told he was fine.....until 5 days later when my consultant called to tell me that actually my son had fractured his thumb. Can I come into the fracture clinic? Obviously yes. I told him that I was due a follow up appointment and could I see him. I was told to book in when I arrived at the fracture clinic. I did and I finally got an appointment to see him in 2 weeks. After 8 months, what is 2 weeks?
I went in and the first thing he asked was, "Are you riding?". I told him I had but I suffered a silly accident. He then starts going through all the paperwork and asks if my GP had properly followed up on the x-ray taken the previous summer. I said I hadn't heard from her and no. He gets a real stern face and pursed lips. "Go have another x-ray." So I do.
"You're going in for surgery," greeted me when I returned. "We are going to remove all the metal. Next we are going to MRI it all. You've had a radial fracture from the screw that's been untreated." Yep. I knew that part. Surgery? Oh no. Back on that merry-go-round again. "This needs to be done immediately."
So here I am. I'm trying to keep up a good face on this situation. I'm back to not being able to walk (the snow and cold are just evil), not being able to teach, and beginning to feel like I'm worthless. I know this is not true, but injury depression is trying to get ahold of me. As I've said, I don't do depression as I'm just too busy. Yeah, right. What has me furious is that I have endured the pain because I was stupid and did what I was told to do.
I don't think I could ever win if it came to fighting the NHS. But what good is a service which is GP-centric when the GPs are unable to meet that criteria? I know they are over-worked, over subscribed. Because of that, I don't go and see them unless it is absolutely necessary. Yet due to their failure, I am now going to have to have a second surgery, and place my life on hold for months on end yet again. I am not sure how I am going to get through it. God in Heaven, you have a big one on your plate this time.
So what have I learned? It doesn't pay health-wise to be a good and patient patient. You have to push and fight to get treatment. Don't let them fob you off. If you need treatment, call every day and become the biggest pain in their butts that you can. It seems that is the only way to get the help you need. Being good just means that you ruin your life while making their life easy.
Take care and slip in the snow. You don't want a broken leg!
k.
Monday, 19 February 2018
I Got Lost... Again
I think I know why people don't keep New Year's Resolutions. It has to do with `January. I know this isn't a new idea, but rather a statement of well known fact. Christmas and whole holiday season is such a high emotionally that we hit the New Year loaded with all of these endorphin releasing sensations that we make plans and have ideas of improvement without regard to the January Blues.
January Blues don't start, I have realised, on the 1st. They hit about the 20th. Christmas is down, boxed and put away for another 11 months. The weather is now becoming seriously boring with the cold, wet, and various choices of precipitation. The mornings are dark and the evenings are dark and all we have to look forward to Lent. I often wonder if our friends in the Antipodes have July Blues.
Valentine's Day comes and it all starts to lift. Suddenly there is lots more light in the mornings and the evenings have a sunset at a far more sensible time...like when I'm home from work rather than at work teaching the last lesson. Nature creates a dawn chorus of birds outside my window. The weather is sending signs of easing up on the long winter. And I feel better.
I got lost about the 20th of January myself. I woke up and I just felt awful -- physically and emotionally. I had had a serious riding accident nearly 2 years ago which crushed my left foot and ankle. After a brilliant surgeon and lots of ironmongry, I still have a complete leg. The pain however has not ceased. Now, I'm not a weak or "precious" woman. I like to think I am about as tough as it comes, but this really did me in. The pain lead to depression. I don't have time for depression.
I do understand depression in others and I am most sympathic about it. It is a horrible emotional imbalance that leaves you out of control and fighting with yourself. The feelings of self doubt and inability coupled with a mind telling you to get on with it and there is no rational reason to be feeling this way is a recipe for suicide. I get it. And I GOT IT. But I don't have time for it. I have a family. I have a business. I have people depending on me. I have animals depending on me. I have laundry depending on me. I have to be 100% all the time. The more I am not 100% the worse I feel. It wasn't so much a battle to get out of bed as a battle to get through the next hour. Some folks understood the situation but there was nothing they could do. To see my doctor on a non-emergency basis is a 6 week wait. I just had to fight my way through.
The fight became serious when things started to go wrong. I went to deliver a horse to its new home and on the way back to my yard I had an accident. The back of my trailer is now bent out of shape and must be replaced. Great. It was a stupid accident that shouldn't have happened. But I suppose that is why they are called accidents. Next my 4x4 died. The starter motor caught fire and I now own a very nice Range Rover Vogue yard ornament. I will get it fixed but the effort and cost is a bit much. Then there was the need to get new horses for the yard and I qualified for a bank loan...right up to the moment I discovered my passport and driving license was missing. After 25 years of banking with my bank, they suddenly don't know me and I have to produce all sorts of documents including the utility bill statements for the electric I pay by Direct Debit from the account I hold with their bank. ARGH! My beautiful husband steps up and produces all the required info and then I have the loan. But I lost the horses I wanted due to the delay (I do have some new ones which are fab and half the price so maybe it wasn't all that bad). The final piece was my mother died.
If you look back over this blog you wil know that my mother suffered from Alzheimers. It was awful to watch someone you love have their brain turn into scrambled eggs. I remember and now cherish the last moment when I know she knew who I was. It was beautiful and horrible. Now she is gone. She has been mentally gone for 5 years, but Mom was still there. Now she is not. And this really hurts. I know it is part of life and we all go through it, but it changes nothing. It doesn't matter that she was old (91) and frail, she was still my mother. Because I was a "late in life child" (trans: What the Hell do you mean you're pregnant? Who do you think you are? Sarah? [my father's reaction]), my parents were rather old when my children appeared. The children only have vague memories and photos of their grandfather. Two years after Dad died, my mother was diagnosed with progressive white vein dementia and Alzheimers. I see young people whose grandparents play a very big part in their lives and I am a touch jealous. My parents are together now and I hope that they are happy and not causing too much mayhem in Heaven.
It is now past Valentine's Day. The days are getting longer and warmer. The rain seems to only happen 2-3 days a week instead of 5 to 6. I heard the dawn chorus this morning. So rather than give up on my New Year Resolution, I'm just going to restart it. I've opened the pen and paper journal, taken a deep breath and begun again. Perhaps that is what we all should do. Accept when life just overtakes our good intentions and when the whirlwind we caught in slows down, not give up our ideas and dreams, but refocus on them. Even when the sky is black, there is something beautiful to learn from the experience.
What did I learn? I can really bend and not break. I am strong and capable. I need to love myself in order to be able to love and help others. If this means taking an extra hour to get ready to face the day, then so be it. Sometimes it is okay to be late and to be there fully.
And tomorrow the sun shall rise and so shall I. And I shall be thankful for the day the Lord hath given.
k.
January Blues don't start, I have realised, on the 1st. They hit about the 20th. Christmas is down, boxed and put away for another 11 months. The weather is now becoming seriously boring with the cold, wet, and various choices of precipitation. The mornings are dark and the evenings are dark and all we have to look forward to Lent. I often wonder if our friends in the Antipodes have July Blues.
Valentine's Day comes and it all starts to lift. Suddenly there is lots more light in the mornings and the evenings have a sunset at a far more sensible time...like when I'm home from work rather than at work teaching the last lesson. Nature creates a dawn chorus of birds outside my window. The weather is sending signs of easing up on the long winter. And I feel better.
I got lost about the 20th of January myself. I woke up and I just felt awful -- physically and emotionally. I had had a serious riding accident nearly 2 years ago which crushed my left foot and ankle. After a brilliant surgeon and lots of ironmongry, I still have a complete leg. The pain however has not ceased. Now, I'm not a weak or "precious" woman. I like to think I am about as tough as it comes, but this really did me in. The pain lead to depression. I don't have time for depression.
I do understand depression in others and I am most sympathic about it. It is a horrible emotional imbalance that leaves you out of control and fighting with yourself. The feelings of self doubt and inability coupled with a mind telling you to get on with it and there is no rational reason to be feeling this way is a recipe for suicide. I get it. And I GOT IT. But I don't have time for it. I have a family. I have a business. I have people depending on me. I have animals depending on me. I have laundry depending on me. I have to be 100% all the time. The more I am not 100% the worse I feel. It wasn't so much a battle to get out of bed as a battle to get through the next hour. Some folks understood the situation but there was nothing they could do. To see my doctor on a non-emergency basis is a 6 week wait. I just had to fight my way through.
The fight became serious when things started to go wrong. I went to deliver a horse to its new home and on the way back to my yard I had an accident. The back of my trailer is now bent out of shape and must be replaced. Great. It was a stupid accident that shouldn't have happened. But I suppose that is why they are called accidents. Next my 4x4 died. The starter motor caught fire and I now own a very nice Range Rover Vogue yard ornament. I will get it fixed but the effort and cost is a bit much. Then there was the need to get new horses for the yard and I qualified for a bank loan...right up to the moment I discovered my passport and driving license was missing. After 25 years of banking with my bank, they suddenly don't know me and I have to produce all sorts of documents including the utility bill statements for the electric I pay by Direct Debit from the account I hold with their bank. ARGH! My beautiful husband steps up and produces all the required info and then I have the loan. But I lost the horses I wanted due to the delay (I do have some new ones which are fab and half the price so maybe it wasn't all that bad). The final piece was my mother died.
If you look back over this blog you wil know that my mother suffered from Alzheimers. It was awful to watch someone you love have their brain turn into scrambled eggs. I remember and now cherish the last moment when I know she knew who I was. It was beautiful and horrible. Now she is gone. She has been mentally gone for 5 years, but Mom was still there. Now she is not. And this really hurts. I know it is part of life and we all go through it, but it changes nothing. It doesn't matter that she was old (91) and frail, she was still my mother. Because I was a "late in life child" (trans: What the Hell do you mean you're pregnant? Who do you think you are? Sarah? [my father's reaction]), my parents were rather old when my children appeared. The children only have vague memories and photos of their grandfather. Two years after Dad died, my mother was diagnosed with progressive white vein dementia and Alzheimers. I see young people whose grandparents play a very big part in their lives and I am a touch jealous. My parents are together now and I hope that they are happy and not causing too much mayhem in Heaven.
It is now past Valentine's Day. The days are getting longer and warmer. The rain seems to only happen 2-3 days a week instead of 5 to 6. I heard the dawn chorus this morning. So rather than give up on my New Year Resolution, I'm just going to restart it. I've opened the pen and paper journal, taken a deep breath and begun again. Perhaps that is what we all should do. Accept when life just overtakes our good intentions and when the whirlwind we caught in slows down, not give up our ideas and dreams, but refocus on them. Even when the sky is black, there is something beautiful to learn from the experience.
What did I learn? I can really bend and not break. I am strong and capable. I need to love myself in order to be able to love and help others. If this means taking an extra hour to get ready to face the day, then so be it. Sometimes it is okay to be late and to be there fully.
And tomorrow the sun shall rise and so shall I. And I shall be thankful for the day the Lord hath given.
k.
Tuesday, 16 January 2018
Oops! I think I missed a week
I know that it is not Friday. It is in fact Tuesday -- several days past Friday. That should tell you something. It has been a week and then some. So how is it going?
I spent last week actually getting my house organised. Furniture was moved and clothing was passed to charity and detritus was given to the tip. It was full on and actually very good. I was shocked on how much plain crap we keep...but why?
We now live in a very small house. We lived in a very big house (4000 sq ft). When I say small, I mean small. We have 600 square feet into which we have designed 3 bedrooms, 2 full bathrooms, kitchen, dining and living room. The rooms aren't big but that is both the challenge and the reward. We also have a 12 x 12 stable that we have modified into a formal dining room, so all in you could say we have 744 sq ft. Still that isn't much! So the reward for living so small is that it takes 30 minutes to clean the whole place, but the down side is that you can only have so much.
Now coming from the large to small means that there was a lot of stuff that we originally had to get rid of. These were hard choices but they were made. But as we moved in, we were still overflowing with stuff. I instituted the 6 month rule with the only exception being the holiday decorations. This was going fine until I had a serious riding accident which put me out of action for a year (yes a full year in plaster. A story for another day). As I am now more and more healthy, the clutter of life began to utterly bug me. So it was time to start the cleaning out again.
The Wonderful Husband (and he is) took a business trip to Portugal and that was my opportunity. My son cleaned out his room (No.2 Son boarders on being a hoarder -- it was an epic task!) and we moved furniture. I was able to clean and fix . Suddenly we had more space and it was tidy. I was able to set up a cleaning rota which would see my whole house be clean yet it would not be a huge chore as it was broken down into tiny 10 minute tasks each day. Does it work? You bet!
So how does this need to organise fit into my journey to me. Quite frankly, it is about finding out what I really deem as necessary and important. As I originally said, we keep a lot of crap. Do I really need all jars that I swear I'll fill with homemade jam? Exactly when am I making that jam? It's JANUARY! Do I need to keep 10 year old clothes which are both out of fashion and too small? Do I need to keep (and dust) perfume bottles filled with scents I will not wear? Do I need to keep old, unused kitchen crockery which is chipped and stained for a "just in case"? But more importantly, why do I keep them?
Yes, they are memories of my past life and experiences. They are who I was. But who am I NOW? What advantage do I have by keeping them? I don't. I just have more to do by having to keep them clean. What I need is the things I use regularly and suit the type of life I now have. My life is not one of tailored silk suits and high heels any more. My life now is about mud management, warm boots and hopefully a clean pair of jodhpurs.
In being a able on honestly recognise who I am now by the choices I make, I am discovering who I am. I am finding out that all the mud and muck mean an awful lot to me. Yes, I still wear my fancy makeup, but I do a lot more like Green Acres than Dynasty. And I am okay with that.
Okay, we will really get to exercising soon....
I spent last week actually getting my house organised. Furniture was moved and clothing was passed to charity and detritus was given to the tip. It was full on and actually very good. I was shocked on how much plain crap we keep...but why?
We now live in a very small house. We lived in a very big house (4000 sq ft). When I say small, I mean small. We have 600 square feet into which we have designed 3 bedrooms, 2 full bathrooms, kitchen, dining and living room. The rooms aren't big but that is both the challenge and the reward. We also have a 12 x 12 stable that we have modified into a formal dining room, so all in you could say we have 744 sq ft. Still that isn't much! So the reward for living so small is that it takes 30 minutes to clean the whole place, but the down side is that you can only have so much.
Now coming from the large to small means that there was a lot of stuff that we originally had to get rid of. These were hard choices but they were made. But as we moved in, we were still overflowing with stuff. I instituted the 6 month rule with the only exception being the holiday decorations. This was going fine until I had a serious riding accident which put me out of action for a year (yes a full year in plaster. A story for another day). As I am now more and more healthy, the clutter of life began to utterly bug me. So it was time to start the cleaning out again.
The Wonderful Husband (and he is) took a business trip to Portugal and that was my opportunity. My son cleaned out his room (No.2 Son boarders on being a hoarder -- it was an epic task!) and we moved furniture. I was able to clean and fix . Suddenly we had more space and it was tidy. I was able to set up a cleaning rota which would see my whole house be clean yet it would not be a huge chore as it was broken down into tiny 10 minute tasks each day. Does it work? You bet!
So how does this need to organise fit into my journey to me. Quite frankly, it is about finding out what I really deem as necessary and important. As I originally said, we keep a lot of crap. Do I really need all jars that I swear I'll fill with homemade jam? Exactly when am I making that jam? It's JANUARY! Do I need to keep 10 year old clothes which are both out of fashion and too small? Do I need to keep (and dust) perfume bottles filled with scents I will not wear? Do I need to keep old, unused kitchen crockery which is chipped and stained for a "just in case"? But more importantly, why do I keep them?
Yes, they are memories of my past life and experiences. They are who I was. But who am I NOW? What advantage do I have by keeping them? I don't. I just have more to do by having to keep them clean. What I need is the things I use regularly and suit the type of life I now have. My life is not one of tailored silk suits and high heels any more. My life now is about mud management, warm boots and hopefully a clean pair of jodhpurs.
In being a able on honestly recognise who I am now by the choices I make, I am discovering who I am. I am finding out that all the mud and muck mean an awful lot to me. Yes, I still wear my fancy makeup, but I do a lot more like Green Acres than Dynasty. And I am okay with that.
Okay, we will really get to exercising soon....
Friday, 5 January 2018
On A Journey To Me
I decided to take a trip this year. It's going to take all year. I am hoping that this trip will prove to be interesting. I am going to meet someone. This someone is a person I lost track of. This person is me.
It was hard to get back into this blog because I haven't written or posted anything since 2010. Seven years has gone past since I last wrote here and so much has changed. My family is massively different. I now have a grown son and my baby is a proper teenager. The fish died. We now have 4 cats and 20 horses. The husband is getting rather grey. I had a serious accident which has left me with a slightly crippled left leg. We no longer live in a big house, but a tiny caravan at our equestrian centre. Lots of changes. So many changes that I've lost exactly who I am.
I know that as you age and go through the cycle of life that you physically and your perspectives change. What can also happen is that one can become lost in the stresses of living everyday and forget to live every day. That is what has happened to me. I work. I work constantly. I work on the yard. I work as a teacher. I work as a mother. I work as housewife. I work (almost) as a wife. Unfortunately, I haven't worked at being me.
So I have a plan. I've got a written, notebook journal with ideas of how I am going to find Kay. It contains ideas about cleaning and exercise, but it also has ideas on self development and personal growth. I'm going to use this space as a place to reflect where I have been over the last week. This way I will be honest to myself and have a place to look back on what I have accomplished -- something we all fail to look at reasonably.
So what has happened this week?
New Year's Day was on Monday and it was okay. I had spent the previous 2 weeks working flat out on new policies so that the yard was legal. I was washed out. We had a nice albeit lazy day. Tuesday was work as was Wednesday. However, Wednesday was The Eldest's birthday. He's now 19. So we invited friends over and I made a proper, semi-formal dinner. It was a blast and I had a lot of fun (until the foot & ankle decided to show up with their gift of pain). Thursday was a recovery day. Today, Friday, I took down Christmas and cleaned the office. It felt good. I like everything to be tidy and put in the right place. I think that is important.
So what did I find out this week?
I found out I still like cooking. I had such fun making that dinner and it was a real treat to see how much everyone enjoyed it. Birthday Boy was thrilled and said it felt like it was supposed to feel on his birthday. That meant so much to me.
I also found out that I really do need a clean environment to thrive in. I, again, was so happy to have a tidy (in spite of the never ending mud that is my life) office. I need a clean desk where I can set my work out and know what needs done. When it is done, then I can celebrate that I did accomplish what I needed to.
What do I hope for next week?
I am hoping that my leg, ankle and foot will be okay enough for me start to do some simple exercises. I think stretching exercises will a good way to start.
Well....that's the plan anyway. See you next week and I'll let you know how I got on.
It was hard to get back into this blog because I haven't written or posted anything since 2010. Seven years has gone past since I last wrote here and so much has changed. My family is massively different. I now have a grown son and my baby is a proper teenager. The fish died. We now have 4 cats and 20 horses. The husband is getting rather grey. I had a serious accident which has left me with a slightly crippled left leg. We no longer live in a big house, but a tiny caravan at our equestrian centre. Lots of changes. So many changes that I've lost exactly who I am.
I know that as you age and go through the cycle of life that you physically and your perspectives change. What can also happen is that one can become lost in the stresses of living everyday and forget to live every day. That is what has happened to me. I work. I work constantly. I work on the yard. I work as a teacher. I work as a mother. I work as housewife. I work (almost) as a wife. Unfortunately, I haven't worked at being me.
So I have a plan. I've got a written, notebook journal with ideas of how I am going to find Kay. It contains ideas about cleaning and exercise, but it also has ideas on self development and personal growth. I'm going to use this space as a place to reflect where I have been over the last week. This way I will be honest to myself and have a place to look back on what I have accomplished -- something we all fail to look at reasonably.
So what has happened this week?
New Year's Day was on Monday and it was okay. I had spent the previous 2 weeks working flat out on new policies so that the yard was legal. I was washed out. We had a nice albeit lazy day. Tuesday was work as was Wednesday. However, Wednesday was The Eldest's birthday. He's now 19. So we invited friends over and I made a proper, semi-formal dinner. It was a blast and I had a lot of fun (until the foot & ankle decided to show up with their gift of pain). Thursday was a recovery day. Today, Friday, I took down Christmas and cleaned the office. It felt good. I like everything to be tidy and put in the right place. I think that is important.
So what did I find out this week?
I found out I still like cooking. I had such fun making that dinner and it was a real treat to see how much everyone enjoyed it. Birthday Boy was thrilled and said it felt like it was supposed to feel on his birthday. That meant so much to me.
I also found out that I really do need a clean environment to thrive in. I, again, was so happy to have a tidy (in spite of the never ending mud that is my life) office. I need a clean desk where I can set my work out and know what needs done. When it is done, then I can celebrate that I did accomplish what I needed to.
What do I hope for next week?
I am hoping that my leg, ankle and foot will be okay enough for me start to do some simple exercises. I think stretching exercises will a good way to start.
Well....that's the plan anyway. See you next week and I'll let you know how I got on.
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