The week has been a bit of a week. Nothing seems to be changing. I'm looking forward to spring and and all we get is winter. The snow was awful....and I'm someone who likes winter. So the pain is the pain and I'm just not progressing. I think I could be regressing.
Now I know Rome wasn't built in a day, but this getting ... well, I don't know. I did some art this week and I thought it was great. I painted the big space between my ears and called Galaxy. That was fun. I went to a Lenten Meditation Group and talked about Joseph of Aramatheia. I did rather enjoy that too.
But I saw a photo of myself. I know that the last 2 years has taken it out of me both emotionally and physically, but I look like a wreck. It is so bad that I wonder why I'm even trying. I've become ridiculously fat. I want to exercise, but the pain is such that it's hard to exercise when you can't even walk properly. I'd start by walking but I can't even do that! I despise (and I don't use that word lightly) the fact I am an egg- shaped human. This is not about "Body Acceptance", but my body is now obese and it could seriously harm, if not kill, me. Being banned from riding on medical grounds is not helping either.
I could try to do "chair exercise" but I don't have a space to do it. My home is just overrun with people. I am feeling the need for space. I do have a craft room which I could use, but it doesn't have any heat. As the weather has been subzero, exercising out there is a non-starter. I need my living room, but the children have monopolised it. I must do something or I am putting my already fragile health in further jeopardy. ARGH!!!!
So the daily battle continues. Trying to fix the lost, broken person I am is just hard. I want to quit but I know that isn't a way forward. Too many people float through life. I wish I was one who could but that isn't my temperament.
Maybe next week wil be better.
Friday, 9 March 2018
Friday, 2 March 2018
Okay Spring, Any Time Now
Well isn't this turning into an interesting week. Seven days ago it was warm, albeit rather wet and muddy, and now I'm up to my hocks in snow. It just goes to show how things can change and how things which look like they are solved aren't.
As I said in my last post, I had a hideous accident 2 years ago which nearly cost me my left foot and leg. I had a brilliant consultant who was able to make it so I could keep all my bits and pieces and walk. Well, that walking part is a bit of a stretch. I do walk, but not well or normally, and not for long stretches. I am regularly crippled with pain and that is really not good. I probably wouldn't have been so bad except the fact I had fall about a 8 months ago.
The yards car park is a bit rustic, and has large rock heads and some good sized pot holes. I stepped wrong on one of the rock heads, slid into a pot hole, and fell over. Not very graceful and, due to the stiffness in my ankle, no way to save myself. I knew immediately I had done something to the injury. I called my physiotherapist, with whom I had an appointment later that day, and told her. I came to see her and she said I needed to go to my GP and get and x-ray. I contacted my GP to get an appointment, and in spite of begging for an emergency appointment, the best I could do was a month later. I stayed off my leg as much as I could, used my crutches, and ate paracetamol by the box load.
I went to my GP and she told me I was wrong. I probably did need to go get an xray and all I had to do was go to the hospital and get one. I didn't need to see her. A&E was there for that express purpose. I asked why was I told by both my physio and my consultant (who I called to see if I could get the appointment moved up) to see her first. After yet another circular argument, I went to A&E and was x-rayed. It looked to the doctor there that I had had a radial fracture from the screw. He was referring me back to my GP who should refer me on to my consultant.
Fast forward to February. I have endured the most awful pain all winter which included many episodes of me screaming as my shoe/boot was removed. I found a strip of codine for when it was unbearable. My youngest son had a riding accident (yes, it does happen) but not overly serious. We went to hospital and was told he was fine.....until 5 days later when my consultant called to tell me that actually my son had fractured his thumb. Can I come into the fracture clinic? Obviously yes. I told him that I was due a follow up appointment and could I see him. I was told to book in when I arrived at the fracture clinic. I did and I finally got an appointment to see him in 2 weeks. After 8 months, what is 2 weeks?
I went in and the first thing he asked was, "Are you riding?". I told him I had but I suffered a silly accident. He then starts going through all the paperwork and asks if my GP had properly followed up on the x-ray taken the previous summer. I said I hadn't heard from her and no. He gets a real stern face and pursed lips. "Go have another x-ray." So I do.
"You're going in for surgery," greeted me when I returned. "We are going to remove all the metal. Next we are going to MRI it all. You've had a radial fracture from the screw that's been untreated." Yep. I knew that part. Surgery? Oh no. Back on that merry-go-round again. "This needs to be done immediately."
So here I am. I'm trying to keep up a good face on this situation. I'm back to not being able to walk (the snow and cold are just evil), not being able to teach, and beginning to feel like I'm worthless. I know this is not true, but injury depression is trying to get ahold of me. As I've said, I don't do depression as I'm just too busy. Yeah, right. What has me furious is that I have endured the pain because I was stupid and did what I was told to do.
I don't think I could ever win if it came to fighting the NHS. But what good is a service which is GP-centric when the GPs are unable to meet that criteria? I know they are over-worked, over subscribed. Because of that, I don't go and see them unless it is absolutely necessary. Yet due to their failure, I am now going to have to have a second surgery, and place my life on hold for months on end yet again. I am not sure how I am going to get through it. God in Heaven, you have a big one on your plate this time.
So what have I learned? It doesn't pay health-wise to be a good and patient patient. You have to push and fight to get treatment. Don't let them fob you off. If you need treatment, call every day and become the biggest pain in their butts that you can. It seems that is the only way to get the help you need. Being good just means that you ruin your life while making their life easy.
Take care and slip in the snow. You don't want a broken leg!
k.
As I said in my last post, I had a hideous accident 2 years ago which nearly cost me my left foot and leg. I had a brilliant consultant who was able to make it so I could keep all my bits and pieces and walk. Well, that walking part is a bit of a stretch. I do walk, but not well or normally, and not for long stretches. I am regularly crippled with pain and that is really not good. I probably wouldn't have been so bad except the fact I had fall about a 8 months ago.
The yards car park is a bit rustic, and has large rock heads and some good sized pot holes. I stepped wrong on one of the rock heads, slid into a pot hole, and fell over. Not very graceful and, due to the stiffness in my ankle, no way to save myself. I knew immediately I had done something to the injury. I called my physiotherapist, with whom I had an appointment later that day, and told her. I came to see her and she said I needed to go to my GP and get and x-ray. I contacted my GP to get an appointment, and in spite of begging for an emergency appointment, the best I could do was a month later. I stayed off my leg as much as I could, used my crutches, and ate paracetamol by the box load.
I went to my GP and she told me I was wrong. I probably did need to go get an xray and all I had to do was go to the hospital and get one. I didn't need to see her. A&E was there for that express purpose. I asked why was I told by both my physio and my consultant (who I called to see if I could get the appointment moved up) to see her first. After yet another circular argument, I went to A&E and was x-rayed. It looked to the doctor there that I had had a radial fracture from the screw. He was referring me back to my GP who should refer me on to my consultant.
Fast forward to February. I have endured the most awful pain all winter which included many episodes of me screaming as my shoe/boot was removed. I found a strip of codine for when it was unbearable. My youngest son had a riding accident (yes, it does happen) but not overly serious. We went to hospital and was told he was fine.....until 5 days later when my consultant called to tell me that actually my son had fractured his thumb. Can I come into the fracture clinic? Obviously yes. I told him that I was due a follow up appointment and could I see him. I was told to book in when I arrived at the fracture clinic. I did and I finally got an appointment to see him in 2 weeks. After 8 months, what is 2 weeks?
I went in and the first thing he asked was, "Are you riding?". I told him I had but I suffered a silly accident. He then starts going through all the paperwork and asks if my GP had properly followed up on the x-ray taken the previous summer. I said I hadn't heard from her and no. He gets a real stern face and pursed lips. "Go have another x-ray." So I do.
"You're going in for surgery," greeted me when I returned. "We are going to remove all the metal. Next we are going to MRI it all. You've had a radial fracture from the screw that's been untreated." Yep. I knew that part. Surgery? Oh no. Back on that merry-go-round again. "This needs to be done immediately."
So here I am. I'm trying to keep up a good face on this situation. I'm back to not being able to walk (the snow and cold are just evil), not being able to teach, and beginning to feel like I'm worthless. I know this is not true, but injury depression is trying to get ahold of me. As I've said, I don't do depression as I'm just too busy. Yeah, right. What has me furious is that I have endured the pain because I was stupid and did what I was told to do.
I don't think I could ever win if it came to fighting the NHS. But what good is a service which is GP-centric when the GPs are unable to meet that criteria? I know they are over-worked, over subscribed. Because of that, I don't go and see them unless it is absolutely necessary. Yet due to their failure, I am now going to have to have a second surgery, and place my life on hold for months on end yet again. I am not sure how I am going to get through it. God in Heaven, you have a big one on your plate this time.
So what have I learned? It doesn't pay health-wise to be a good and patient patient. You have to push and fight to get treatment. Don't let them fob you off. If you need treatment, call every day and become the biggest pain in their butts that you can. It seems that is the only way to get the help you need. Being good just means that you ruin your life while making their life easy.
Take care and slip in the snow. You don't want a broken leg!
k.
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