Nothing seems to be changing

The week has been a bit of a week.  Nothing seems to be changing.  I'm looking forward to spring and and all we get is winter.  The snow was awful....and I'm someone who likes winter.  So the pain is the pain and I'm just not progressing.  I think I could be regressing.

Now I know Rome wasn't built in a day, but this getting ... well, I don't know.  I did some art this week and I thought it was great. I painted the big space between my ears and called Galaxy.  That was fun.  I went to a Lenten Meditation Group and talked about Joseph of Aramatheia.  I did rather enjoy that too.

But I saw a photo of myself.  I know that the last 2 years has taken it out of me both emotionally and physically, but I look like a wreck.  It is so bad that I wonder why I'm even trying.  I've become ridiculously fat.  I want to exercise, but the pain is such that  it's hard to exercise when you can't even walk properly.  I'd start by walking but I can't even do that! I  despise (and I don't use that word lightly) the fact I am an egg- shaped human. This is not about "Body Acceptance", but my body is now obese and it could seriously harm, if not kill, me.  Being banned from riding on medical grounds is not helping either.

I could try to do "chair exercise" but I don't have a space to do it.  My home is just overrun with people. I am feeling the need for space. I do have a craft room which I could use, but it doesn't have any heat. As the weather has been subzero, exercising out there is a non-starter.  I need my living room, but the children have monopolised it.  I must do something or I am putting my already fragile health in further jeopardy.  ARGH!!!!

So the daily battle continues. Trying to fix the lost, broken person I am is just hard.  I want to quit but I know that isn't a way forward.  Too many people float through life.  I wish I was one who could but that isn't my temperament.

Maybe next week wil be better.