I’ve been an adult for over 30 years now. I have been around the block a lot of times and what I am about espouse will infuriate a lot of people. I want to know who actually believed that Woman’s Liberation was liberating? I have spent my whole adult life as a drudge for this ideology, and I am now damn mad about this. I am not looking at liberation but extinction.
Feminism was supposed to the greatest single thing I could ever imagine. Every door was supposed to be open to me, and it was my responsibility to walk through them. I could be whatever I wanted to be – with the grand exception of being a home-maker. That was/is regressive, oppressive and socially unacceptable. I was to go out and ‘make something of myself’ for the generations of women who had been oppressed before me. I was to scale the mountains of The Corporate World and break glass ceilings, laughing as those shards fell and pierced the men below me. Those men would now bleed and know what true oppression was.
I am now in my mid-fifties. I am tired, no, exhausted. I am not alone. I tried it all. I worked internationally as a musician. I ran businesses and wore the silk suits. I made money and a lot of it. I also became a wife and mother. My husband was working in finance in the City of London for the large merchant banks. He was working a 12 hour day to fulfil his dreams. At that point in his life, he wanted children in a more theoretical sense, but as I am older than he is, I wanted them more immediately. As a Gen X woman, I could do it and who really needed a man.
The question becomes who is raising our children? Now I, like the silly person I am, believed that I “could have it all”. Women were not just women, but we were Super Women – like Wonder Woman but with kids. I could handle the stress of business and raise my boys. I tried the Nanny route and found that, as lovely as they were, it didn’t work for the boys. And when one of my boys was diagnosed with a special educational need, it really didn’t work. So I went to part-time work and full time Mum. I was working the equivalent of 16 hour days 6 days a week. Sunday I only worked the required 5 “Mum Hours”. To be a Super Woman I also had to hire a housekeeper and a gardener. Why? Because I was only 1 human being trying to be 6. I became bitter because I wouldn’t let my husband do anything but play on his computer. That was what being a modern woman meant.
We, as women, can’t denigrate men and make them feel worthless, then turn around and expect them to help us. We, as women, can’t declare that we don’t need men and then expect them to behave like partners. We, as women, can’t declare that we are the best at raising children and then expect men to behave like fathers. We, as women, cannot expect good marriages if we act like we’re helpless and then emasculate our men. Sorry, I’m being logical again.
I know some of you will point out that there are men out there who are dogs. Yes, I know. I do wonder why they are dogs as well. I know that some men are violent bastards. I do believe that we, as women, must make sure they go to jail for assault just like any other criminal. This “but I love him” thing has got to stop. There are several things to consider regarding male behaviour: 1) why do they act the way they do, 2) why do we act the way we do, 3) why haven’t we fixed the next generation in a positive manner?
I currently believe, as I watch my adult sons, that men are actually frightened. We have taken from them the things that make them men and they don’t know what to do. Some of them will “act out”, some of them will become insular and some will collapse into drugs and depression. We are watching this daily on a grand scale in the Western European Civilization. My sons currently don’t have girl friends. My youngest has never had one. He is not gay, but he is not willing to put up with the attitude and behaviour of women his age. My eldest says that when he gets home from a stint in the military he will be looking for a Christian girl with a love for horses to marry. He says he thinks his chances are good at finding a wife who might want him as a husband. My youngest says that he has no chance of getting married and having children, a family, because he would want someone who would be a helpmate in life and understand his drive to be a Vicar. They don’t like drinking; they don’t like football; they don’t like cheap engagements. They want women they can care for and protect. I honestly don’t think I will be blessed with grandchildren. They are manly men and I know that is not acceptable any more.
This leads me to why are we women acting the way we are? What actually is in it for us? I watch the response, and was a victim of that response for 6 months, to women who want to be home-makers. Why do we look down on it? To be a good home-maker you need to be a nutritionalist, a dietician, a nurse, a carpenter, an accountant, a secretary, a logistics expert, a tailor, a laundress, a mechanic, and a cleaner. I can see why women wanted to go to work outside the home. There is less to do! However, if we declare that we don’t need men in our lives because we are Super Women and can do it all, we can not complain when we have a full-time job AND all of that to do. There are single mothers by choice and those who did not have that choice. And there are married women who chose to act in a manner that make them single mothers. I was one of the last group.
It wasn’t until I had a life changing accident that I LET my husband have a real say. He thought I was happy being in charge. I thought I was, but I was always frustrated and angry about things. I wanted my house to be clean. It never was and I was angry at husband and children for making messes – messes I took some sort of great pleasure in cleaning up while guilt tripping them with my martyrdom. My self created martyrdom. I was frustrated at my children's behaviour but my own was one of swinging from good-parent to bad-parent. They never knew where they stood because of my moods which were based in my exhaustion. My exhaustion came from my belief that I had to do everything because this was what I was indoctrinated to believe. I wasn’t so much a woman but a shapely man. My husband’s position in the household was to provide me with sex upon demand and that was it. Outside of copulation he had little to no value. This type of behaviour is supposed to improve human society how?
So our boys and young men of the next generation have a problem. They are blamed for everything, loved as is convenient, and used as is necessary. The human race requires male and female to reproduce. What is actually going to happen when we women drive men so Incel or MIGTOW that they have no desire to do the very basic of human drives: reproduce? Are we actually advocating for the extinction of the human race? How do we fix this madness before we have destroyed ourselves with the same amount of thought processes as the dinosaurs?
Long ago I belonged to a debating society called the Cogers. I stood and debated that humans of all types need to take personal responsibility for their actions. I still believe this. In the late 1990s, when I argued this position, I was roundly denounced by Communists and Socialists for expecting people to be emotionally strong in an oppressive world. I countered by pointing out that an oppressive world would only get worse if people did not become strong and face it. I fear that I lost this argument and am still loosing it today. Personal responsibility is taking a hard look at the choices you have made and the reasons for those choices. Personal responsibility is accepting the consequences for those choices and not blaming others for the outcomes.
It has been half a century since the Women’s Liberation Movement began. Women now sit at the highest seats of government and bureaucracy. Women hold power in both the Church and Industry. Women are decorated soldiers, incredible doctors, and amazing scientists. Doors are only closed by the choices women make. If you want to be in STEM and you are a woman, then get the qualifications and you will have a job. If you want to be a athlete, then do your training to your best ability and you will be rewarded. It is not men who hold us back, but the choices we make. The choice to have and raise children is valid, necessary, and a biological imperative. Although women bear the children, it still takes 2 to tango. Men have a place and duty to those children.
I would also like to point out that if you live in a predominately Caucasian country, then white males will have a disproportionate amount of influence and power. That is rather a fact of life. The United States is 73% white and of that 73%, 49% is male. That’s a lot of men. A lot of White Men. I seriously doubt that they wake up each morning thinking about how they are going to oppress women or minorities. However, it seems to me that some women and minorities are waking up each morning trying to find a reason that they are oppressed. These apparently oppressed individuals have a lot media power and influence. They are busy creating the next generation without considering their own choices and the consequences of their actions. I also wonder if in the African Nations there are minorities who bitterly complain about the actions and situations of prominent black businessmen, military men and politicians. But I digress….
So in our Modern World, women are seeking to “overthrow the patriarchy” which seems to include all white males from birth onwards and a fair few brown and black males. We are burning our bras not realising that as we get older we will need that support. The males of all colours do need to be men. They need to be respected and cherished for their manliness. Yes, some will be awful, but some will be incredible. Men are not all that different from us, but we women must understand that they are different. We will not do the world any favours by stepping on them to lift ourselves up.
I am now no longer a Super Woman. I am just a super woman. I embrace all things that which makes me female while I use that brain which makes me on-par with any male. I have a balance now between being a home-maker and being a world-shaker. I’ve rather gone back to how women lived, quite happily, in the 17th Century: a home based business to make money while being present to help and support my family. It is now easy to slip a crock-pot meal on in between executive phone calls. I can plan a marketing campaign in a skirt and heels while reminding my youngest to top up his phone. I know that not all women can do this, but we have the technology so that more can. For those who do have to work outside the home, then we need as women, whose ancestors made the trade union movement possible, to help create healthy home-work life balances. What I am saying is that we need to make our lives work for us and to take responsibility for those lives. We need to stop expecting men to do it for us, appreciate when they help us, and we need to stop treating them like the enemy.
In a war there are winners and losers. This is not a War of the Sexes but a Battle for the Home-front. Our homes and families are what make humans of all types great. We need to bring the family back to the forefront of our concerns. Families where men and women work together to a common end and a nurturing environment for everyone. Extinction is usually permanent and all the money in the world won’t undo it. Giving birth and raising a children when you are 70 doesn’t work either. We can be strong if we work together as a positive group -- no Super Women, no Super Men, no blaming inherent qualities, no more dodging the consequences of our choices. If we want to end Western European Civilization, then we must accept that there will be others who will come and take our place. We will not have fixed the world or men or ourselves, but rather caused our own Caucasian Extinction.
That is not very liberating.
